Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
