hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
