maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
