hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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