When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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