we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
