forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
