It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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