More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
