I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
