The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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