Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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