I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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