i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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