if only i could text you this smell
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
