i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
