just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
