he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
