glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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