I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
