Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
