You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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