whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
