His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
