i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
