the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
