don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
