no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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