good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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