I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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