so explain again why im purple
no
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
