You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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