So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
