ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My vagina is officially offended.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
