If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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