he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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