So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
