Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
two words...techno handjob
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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