I wish I could punch you in the face.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
