He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
