Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
