i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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