Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
