My balls are so social today.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just pee around me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Text me some of your sweat
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
