Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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