I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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