shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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