oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
