how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
