between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
