Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
