No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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