Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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