Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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