Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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