New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
