Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
